The Walrus Was Dead

It was Monday night
I was 16-years-old
Listened to Pepper and Abbey Road
Caught a glimpse of the game
And fell off to sleep
To the sound of the FM beat

Awoke around 2 a.m.
Or maybe it was 3
Didn't believe the news coming at me
Reporting from New York City
John's blood on the street
I thought it was a Python parody

But oh no, no 
He had to go

I heard the pain in his voice
Heard the screams in my head
Didn't want to believe that John Lennon was dead
He influenced my life
Although we never met
I guess what we give out we eventually get

Oh no
He had to go

The soul is eternal
But the body must die
But still when he leaves us
We can't help but cry

I want you to listen
Its not going to last
The present we're in
Is becoming the past

It was the end of an era
The end of a dream
Yet another clue
It comes apart at the seams

It's been 29 years
Can't get it out of my head
The day that they told me
The walrus was dead

That Fateful Day

Walking gingerly on the semi-frozen tundra
Where I use to slide with glee as a youth
Trying to figure out a frustrating cundundrum 
Been whiling away my years with this excuse

Unraveling the skin of this poor white birch tree
Catching an unfortunate fish by the eye
Gradually all those deeds come ricocheting back to me
Won't raise my fist to the heavens and ask why

Walking on the hot sands of old Death Valley
Saw one hundred sneakers hanging from a leafless tree
Just then a mirage appeared of a young Bobby Dinero
His psycho eyes said "Are you looking at me?"

Dreamed I was five and my brother checked his wrist watch
Looked at me gravely and said "It's about that time."
The front door slowly opened and revealed a black haired witch
I tried to crawl away but she stole my body and mind

I've been trapped ever since in a dark tabernacle
That keeps changing form when I think it's finally solved
I've been lamenting my fate and labeling it a debacle
But within myself I've yet to let it resolve

Memories flood in of all the good times and bad times
But I guess it's mostly how you look at it
This misty path filled with the outstretched hands of the desperate
Who I can't ignore even when I think I've made it all fit

I was driving down Highway 101 to my next big destination
When I saw sad caged eyes being carried far away
No one cared to stop the most heinous crime of the century
I think I lost my enjoying spirit on that fateful day

  

My Speed

The world is getting crazy
Or maybe it is already there
I'm trying to find my inner-soberness
So I don't have to light these awkward flares 

The rain was falling in buckets
Had to find higher ground or be washed away
Somehow I was fortunate enough to find shelter
This causeless mercy really has a way

Trying to stand straight while walking
Trying to keep my head up when I lay down
Trying to do my best when I don't really feel like it
Trying to understand how to walk on solid ground

I used to be bound to a woman
Who took her childhood out on me too much
We tried mostly but we were too young
When you're immature life can be doubly tough

I walked away out of survival
Sometimes it's hard to do what you must do
Can't live a lifetime choosing friends and rivals
You're useless if you can't first take care of you

I know that my mother loved me
But cancer came and ate her flesh away
Sometimes I still think I can feel her
But where she is now I can't really say

They told me 14-years-old was too young
But that was a fact and I had no choice
Talk about a hollow feeling
But many have had worse so I should temper my voice

Now everyday I'm trying to improve
Can't change the past but I can learn from it
I don't know what's around the corner next
But I don't want to moderate my speed even a little bit

Conditional Eternity

Every day's a new day
What can I expect?
From these subtle currents moving toward me
Should I pay them my respects?

Is it a movie that I enter?
Or is it a movie swallowing me?
Perhaps it's all just an illusion
Of all the things I hear, touch and see

When I wake up in the morning
From my nightmare into my daydream
As I take off another layer
Do I know it's not what it seems?

As I walk among the living
As I think of all the dead
Ever-changing faces smiling
Sighing, crying and all the rest

Right now I have this body
Soon I'll have another one
Every seven years it's changing
They will be old who now are young

I see the tortured trees reaching
Climbing high into the sky
This all came from just a seed
Chasing the sunlight and getting high

But what goes up must fall down
And what dies will be reborn
Round and round the cycle's spinning
To keep up with it makes me feel worn

If I could just somehow jump off this cliff
And catch hold of some sturdy twig
Growing out of the side of the mountain
Perhaps I would not lose my wig

But alas, it all is futile
Until I seek the mastermind
Who has covered us with this illusion
And who can make us go unblind

Then with sight perhaps I'll hanker
For the love that will set me free
Until then I'll keep on rotating
Through conditional eternity

One-Thousand Faces

I saw 1000 faces when I closed my eyes last night
1000 faces I have known
Most of them have long been left behind
Some of them remind me of home

And I wondered where they all came from before we crossed paths
And I wonder where they have gone
And I wonder where I'll be heading when tomorrow comes
And I wonder how long this life will go on

Lately this body has been feeling a little strange
Lately it's been bending under stress
Lately I've been thinking how I should change
And all the things I've done under duress

Well, I just need to rest a little while
Just need to try to catch my breath
When the miseries of life start closing in on you
You need to rise above all of it

Well, I learned how to smile when I got bad news
Learned how to keep a poker face
Learned how to make the best of everything
Learned dignity and how to take setbacks with grace

I learned how to salvage just enough to go on
Pick up the pieces I need
But the voices outside my window are closing in
Don't want to navigate by greed

Well, I sat in my room as the sun went down
To quietly recharge my batteries
You can eventually succeed in this elusive life
If you're not willing to accept failure easily

Well, I walked by 1000 faces today
Tomorrow I will see 1000 more
And they'll whisk me off to sleep when I get home at night
One thousand faces waiting by my door

Fear of Falling

I dreamed of fear and falling

Imagined worried voices calling

As I fell I heard them weep

For a short-lived life I could not keep

And as I plunged I felt their sorrow

Thought of tears they'd cry tomorrow

Knowing I could not be there

The depths of all hopeless despair

The blackened images of the night

That when all alone can cause us fright

Fear of being left out in the cold

Fear of sickness and growing old

But then I thought as I descended

Why mourn for that which can't be extended?

As no one can live here on earth forever

There's something we can meditate on that's better

Dying is only for this bodily shell

No one can kill the self-eternal

Just then my heart filled with great hope

And as my body fell I began to float

My mind no longer thought blood red

The joy of hope ran through my head

Instead, realized knowledge based on love and trust

Shined down upon my eyes of rust

And penetrated deep within

My heart felt peace and my face grinned

And as the final melancholy was rejected

I awoke to happiness resurrected 

Nothing Doing

He's staying up but the day's long gone
He's got no power to sing another song
His stretching out is interrupted by yawns
But he's holding on

His sheets are semi-clean and cool
His pillows are piled up around this fool
Whose damned habits have got him schooled
But he's stubborn as a mule

The DVR clock reads one a.m.
It's far too late to phone a friend
The day was nothing doing again
But he doesn't want it to end

Beastie Breath

Dui pade pashu*

Flared nostrils, sharp claws

Canine teeth protruding

Out of hungry drooling jaws

Trembling voice

Calling out for a plate

"I want my flesh and blood

and I will not wait."

Animal deals

Blood-stained meals

Leg-licking and breast-biting

Tell me how does your corpse feel?

Does it give delight to your tongue?

As you tear skin from the bone

Make a graveyard of your belly

Do you ever hear the ghosts groan?

Two-legged animal

Polish your veneer

As you sharpen your knife and fork

For the taste of murder you hold dear

Wiggle your tail

Alert your two pool-black eyes

Reflections of a dormant soul

Longing dumb-down surprise

*Sanskrit term for two-legged animal

Disappearing Gnomes

The fan is spinning
And I'm here all alone
Every thought in my mind
Is like a disappearing gnome
Sometimes I wonder how everything's led me here
Sometimes I'm still haunted by those recurring fears

The light bulb just burnt out
And my cell phone just died
For every ten times I've laughed
There's been a heavy time I've cried
I've been trying to put it all into perspective
I've had many theories that I've long since rejected

Every year's gone by faster
Though every year is the same
Every pleasure gone too far
Has led to some kind of pain
I've been trying to get off the bodily plane
But my inevitable death is still not making me sane

You know that I've tried
To love you my best
Though I think that I've proved it
There's always another test
You can live your whole life as a productive person
But what have you got when your skills slowly worsen

I've always tried to give myself

And I longed for real love

Although my desires

Have not fit my life like a glove

So I've simply trudged on

Whenever things got hard

I may learn how to play them

But I don't deal the cards

All my days I've been looking
For the secret manual to life
And though I know that I've found it
I don't want to pay the price
How long will I proceed in this uneasy way?
When it finally comes down to it, what will I have to pay?

I've had my full share
Of good and bad news
I've marked and I've labeled it
I always do as I choose
But when will I see everything in its right place?
Perhaps the day I step out of this winner-less race

It's Going to Be Okay

As it's getting toward the end who can we believe?
When I'm out of focus it gets so hard to see
But when everyone who ever breathes must die
To figure it out may be a waste of time

I don't know
Where all this is going to go
God must know
In the meantime I can only watch the river flow

What the hell have others got up their sleeves?
I believe this paranoia could kill me
If I concentrate too much on the temporary
I could go out of my head with worry

Life is short
And when the truth is the last resort
You can take a snort
Or swing when the ball is in your court

Where the hell is this all going to lead?
It's hard to wait after you plant the seed
But in the end we all get what we deserve
Although it's so hard to let go of what we want to preserve

Day turns to night
When we lose the light
When night turns back to day
We can't help think it's going to be okay

Where I Ought to Be

I'll take the pure water

That never offends

The mystery of nature

So deep to comprehend

I'll take the root from the earth

And the fruit from the tree

But don't bring the spoils from your slaughter

Anywhere near me

I'll take the King of Knowledge

That brings light to my eyes

I'll bow down to your divinity

As long as I'm alive

I'll take the sounds of the innocent

Defying liar's lips

But don't give me your plea

Or your self-serving trip

I'll take the warm rising sun

In the hopeful dawn

I'll take the grain from the fields

That fuels my body on

I'll take a soft swaying hammock

In the cool evening air

And if you ask for my help

If I can I will share

I'll take a row boat

On a lake plying smooth

I have no need to take chances

And I don't want to be rude

If you've got dare-devil blood

Then go dare over there

The purpose of my life

Includes to take care

If you've got love and devotion

I'll take a spoonful

If you show your true emotions

Then I can deal with you

But if you're a sly tricky knave

Then please go away

I don't need the temptation

There's just so much time in the day

If you've got profound insight

Talk to me a while

If you think things are delightful

Don't be afraid to smile

And if you want to help

Then please remind me

That where I am now

Is where I ought to be

Emery Melody

Emery the lonely neighbor

Lived across the street of hate

Although the same age as my father

Asked my sister for a date

Emery the grease monkey

Drove up and down the road so hard

I still hear echoes of his tow truck

Dropping junkers in his yard

Emery the crippled-minded

Was paranoid and cheap and mean

The local kids would terrorize him

As he shouted things obscene

Emery the high-pitched talker

Had wrinkles on his forehead

He'd talk to you of all his worries

And the women he'd like to bed

Emery the laid back sipper

Told my Dad his back was bad

As my sweating father mixed the concrete

He drank my mother's lemonade

The Sharpened Wheel

The uncertainty that waits around the corner

The threat of non-existence in the cold still air

No matter what you do, it has its grip on you

The comfort zones that won't always be there

I stepped back from my home and just saw paint and wood

Slowly peeling and rotting before my eyes

A frozen frame in time in sharpened focus

That woke me up to my coming surprise

If I'm happy where I am, what's the commotion?

That causes such a stir inside my empty head

A mutable world in constant motion

Delivering discomfort with the change I must digest

In this darkened pit down here

It's the turning of the sharpened wheel I fear

Stack o' Jacks

I dreamed I saw Jack Kerouac worn out from his travels

Say "Gargs, me dear friend, don't let your precious life unravel"

Dean said, "Yes! Yes!" as Karlo Marx Howled

Which Allen Ginsberg wrote under the influence of rice and dal

I said "Mr. Kerouac, tell me what was the matter?"

You rediscovered America but your life slowly shattered

You died in Saint Petersburg as your stomach hemorrhaged

Was it any better than Mama Cass choking on a ham sandwich?

I dreamed I saw John Lennon die again in New York City

Mark David Chapman was standing over him trying to look pretty

The next day was a snow day and we all stayed home from school and cried

It shook me to the core just like the day my mother died

I dreamed I saw JFK listening to seductive Marilyn

With his wife standing by she had to take it on the chin

He could do no wrong so no one dare call it a sin

But when he got blown away the bloody mess fell upon Jacquelyn

Then Howard Cosell stepped up to host "This is Your Life"

He said "Telling like it is dear Gargs you've lived a lot of strife."

And he brought in my enemies who smiled and said they were my friends

They started circling 'round me like they were plotting my end

In the famous final scene Joe Fraizer started looking queasy

A livid poetic Ali said "I will not go down so easy."

Jackie Robinson stood up to the plate with confidence

He ran the bases so well the country had to deal with the consequence

Then John Lennon rose from the dead and said "We're no longer bigger than Jesus."

The pope breathed a sigh of relief and said "Brother John, you've finally pleased us."

George Hari-son started chanting "Hare Krishna" while sitting in a lotus

But the day had grown so dark only the sharpest eyes could notice

Wheels Inside of Wheels

The endless loop of seven days

Keeps going round and round

Decades have passed in the same cycle

Yet I wake up to each new day

Start again Monday

Another week's grind

Depending on your attitude

You can get ahead

Or fall behind

Tuesday is good

For the good fight

Hard brisk walk

In a strong red shirt

By now I've surrendered

To the week's work

Wednesday is cunning

I like it for conversation

Suspended in the middle

Sharing the rocking boat with friends

We won't let each other fall overboard

Thursday I'm already turning the corner

Very big and a little slow

Afternoon yawns with rain falling down

Nowhere to nap so I carry on

Friday

Is the best day

When the zest for life awakens

And the weekend in front of you

The fever runs high

With good moods for all

But if you overindulge you'll regret it

Saturday is sided by cushions

Don't dare apply pressure today

Unless you're massaging my neck and back

Sunny afternoons

Hit the town for the night

Friends and dates and day trips

Sunday is bonus time

Having our fill of work and fun

We rest and relax

And prepare for the new cycle

When doors reopen

And lists are made

Everyday is new and old to me

As I round the corner in my own life-cycle

Wheels spinning inside of wheels

Repeated birth and death

Good Boredom Gone Bad

Black and white TV

The rotary phone

Hurt the edge of my finger

When I was alone

No channels coming in

Better adjust the rotor

As that hopeful dial tone

Amalgamates with the motor

Nothing much doing

Maybe Gilligan's Island

That wood-chopper skipper

Little-buddy deriding

The poor buffoon

Getting hit with that hat

Is getting older to me

Than the purr of my cat

Joe gets out of prison

Says "There's fun to be had."

It takes just a few hours

To go from boring to bad

Stems and seeds on the table

Rolling Panama Gold

Though the splint is afire

It's a heat growing cold

Pilgrim's Promise

John Wayne brought his pilgrim

Whose ship had gone down

Along in his life boat

Toward Long Island Sound

The statue pulled strong

Despite the cowboy's resistance

"Do you really believe

That's liberty in the distance?"

"I've seen all there is 

Lived here all my life

You can't tame that filly

She's nobody's wife."

"Okay little fella

If that's what you want

Go chase your desires

But even big apples rot."

Sweat poured down their brows

As they both strained to row

Mr. Wayne took his hat off

His hair celluloid snow

The pilgrim jumped off

Disappeared in the core

John turned to the east

"You win again, dirty whore."

I Try to Reach Back

There once was a time

Long ago

Whose days felt to me like the present

Now, I try to reach back

But it's fading

And it feels like part of me is dying

This moment is here like before

But what is it destined to become?

Who I am who is passing through this place?

Could I be a dreamer in some kind of a dream?

But if this life is a dream

Then I wonder

When I awake

Where will I find myself laying? 

Popcorn T.V.

"Look before you leap,"

said Martha Stewart from the cliff.

"Why did they have to lock me up

over just an inside tip?"

"Think before you drink,"

said Dr. Phil stirring the glass.

"I'll let you know all 'bout Britney

but I must first cover my ass."

"Kill two birds with one stone,"

said O.J. Simpson's straining smile.

"I've been running all my life

but now I'm limping my last mile."

"Will work for billionaires,"

said George II's bewildered grin.

"I've helped highjack the government,

the game is fixed, you cannot win."

"You are what you eat,"

said Jack La Lanne shaking his head.

"If you don't eat living foods

they will soon pronounce you dead.

I was sitting with some popcorn

Zoned-out in front of the TV

Chewing on the faults on others

When the spry man startled me

Was he in it for the money?

Was he just like all the rest?

Or was he pointing toward my faults

and all the things I can't digest?

My TV may be humming

And gossip pierces like a knife.

But if I don't want to be mistaken

I should start living my own life.

When the Gun Sounds

When the time is right

I sit by myself

Not influenced by anyone else

When stillness falls

The murmur of verse

Squirms loaded from its bottomless mouth

When the gun sounds

I become possessed

Set off by its trigger

Like a bullet

Words move toward their target

Transformed into a sharpened grave-digger

As long as the gap of conscious thinking remains

As long as the tap remains opened

As long as I remain sequestered

I can cohort with invisible forces

And witness painful but beautiful birth

Sunoco's Gone

I awoke alert

As the rays of the Sun

Penetrated my misty mind

Like the mouse police

Still and sentient

The veil of time lifted from my eyes

As countless images flooded in

I tried to focus through

What was before became the same

With what was to come anew

My hair raised up

And as time undressed

A vision appeared in my head

A futuristic age

Free of speciesism

Unraveled and collectively said

Don't walk, don't run

Drop all your guns

Reduce speed to a crawl

Look left, look right

It's out of sight

The thrill of the earth and all

In a thousand years

Sunoco's gone

But the Sun still shines in the sky

And a spaced-out goat

On his flying boat

Will laugh and "baaah" on by