Disappearing Gnomes

The fan is spinning
And I'm here all alone
Every thought in my mind
Is like a disappearing gnome
Sometimes I wonder how everything's led me here
Sometimes I'm still haunted by those recurring fears

The light bulb just burnt out
And my cell phone just died
For every ten times I've laughed
There's been a heavy time I've cried
I've been trying to put it all into perspective
I've had many theories that I've long since rejected

Every year's gone by faster
Though every year is the same
Every pleasure gone too far
Has led to some kind of pain
I've been trying to get off the bodily plane
But my inevitable death is still not making me sane

You know that I've tried
To love you my best
Though I think that I've proved it
There's always another test
You can live your whole life as a productive person
But what have you got when your skills slowly worsen

I've always tried to give myself

And I longed for real love

Although my desires

Have not fit my life like a glove

So I've simply trudged on

Whenever things got hard

I may learn how to play them

But I don't deal the cards

All my days I've been looking
For the secret manual to life
And though I know that I've found it
I don't want to pay the price
How long will I proceed in this uneasy way?
When it finally comes down to it, what will I have to pay?

I've had my full share
Of good and bad news
I've marked and I've labeled it
I always do as I choose
But when will I see everything in its right place?
Perhaps the day I step out of this winner-less race